Escorting guide

Welcome to The Eejit's Guide to Escorts.

Escorts are not prostitutes. A prostitute charges for sexual services. An escort charges for her time and companionship only. Yes, escorts often have sex with their clients, but that is a matter of coincidence and choice between consenting adults... It is not the escort selling sex to the client!

This website is an escort directory, not an escort agency. We cannot vouch for the escorts we advertise anymore than the Golden Pages can vouch for the plumbers it lists! Be aware, whilst most escorts are honest, there are those who use fake photos or are less than truthful in their advertising!

If you don't like to gamble, read escort reviews before you choose. Not all escort reviews are reliable and no two clients have the same experience with the same escort, but if you want to play it safe, stick to escorts who allow reviews and have multiple good reviews that appear credible to you.

Escorts are not free phone sex lines. Escorts publish detailed information about themselves online, so they don't have clients continually calling with questions. Read the escort's profile before calling! If you're not sure if you want to make a booking, make your mind up, and then call!

No withheld numbers, no texting, and a landline number may be required for outcalls. For their own safety and to avoid timewasters, most escorts will not answer calls from private numbers or text messages. If you request an outcall, you may be asked for a landline number to confirm.

Book in advance and at short notice. If you want to see a specific escort at a specific time or have a particular request about dress etc, it is a good idea to book in advance. On the other hand, if you are looking for something last minute, lots of ladies will be happy to see you on the day you call.

Declare any health issues you have. Mention any health issues you have when booking in case they are a problem. It is only fair to do so, and for health and safety reasons escorts have to be especially careful of viruses, cold sores, cuts, scars, sores or anything that could be infectious.

Don't worry if you're not a stud. Some clients fear that escorts will mind that they are overweight, inexperienced, short, not well-endowed etc. Don't worry. Escorts don't worry about things like this. Cleanliness and respectfulness is all that is really important to escorts.

The cleaner the client, the dirtier the service. The importance of hygiene cannot be overstated. You cannot expect intimacy, if you are not 100% clean. Have a shower, paying particular attention to your private parts (penis, scrotum and bum), clean your teeth, scrub under your nails and shave. You can go easy on the colone! Put on clean underwear and carry mints for fresh breath. Be prepared, even if you've done all this, your escort may still ask you to shower when she meets you. Don't be offended. Some escorts insist all clients shower at the beginning of an appointment.

Be on time and discreet. If you are visiting the escort, listen to her directions carefully, and ensure you are on time... Not early, not late! If you are unavoidably delayed, call to let her know. Do not walk into the lobby talking on the phone loudly repeating the room or apartment number!

Make sure your place is welcoming if you're getting an outcall. Ensure your escort has clear directions to your home or hotel room and it is clean and tidy when she arrives, paying special attention to the bedroom and bathroom. Offer her a drink, preferably from a sealed bottle, or a can.

Don't turn up hammered. Have a drink beforehand to calm your nerves if you like, but ten pints of Guinness is not a good idea. Most escorts will turn drunken clients away, for their own safety, not to mention alcohol breath is a turn-off and brewer's drop may affect your ability to perform!

Don't try to barter and expect to pay cash up front. You should have the exact fee in cash, pre-counted in an envelope. Be ready to hand it to the escort or place it on a table that's easily seen at the beginning of the date. Don't get the money out, like you're at the checkout in Dunnes Stores!

Get off to a good start. Once you have met, the lady may want to make a brief call to confirm she has met you and all is ok. After that, just relax and chat with your escort for a few minutes. Don't be pushy or grabby. Let her guide the session at her pace. Everything in good time!

Tell your escort what you want. Your escort wants to please you. Don't be afraid to tell her what you enjoy and what you'd like to get from the session. She is a professional and she is not going to be shocked by any request you make! The worst that can happen is she'll say no!

Expect safe sex and nothing less. All escorts will insist you wear a condom for vaginal and anal sex and very possibly also for oral sex. If you meet an escort who doesn't insist on protection where vaginal or anal sex is taking place - leave - her health and safety standards are unacceptably low.

Do not expect kissing. Many escorts don't like to kiss their clients as they find it too personal for the escort / client relationship. Unless an escort specifically advertises the fact she enjoys French kissing or offers a G.F.E. (Girl Friend Experience), assume kissing is not likely to be on offer.

Don't expect anal sex, OWO, rimming etc. All of these are non-standard things that some people enjoy and some people don't enjoy. If you are looking for something particular that goes beyond the standard, seek out an escort who advertises the fact she enjoys that particular activity.

Be a gentle and considerate lover. You don't need to be the world's greatest lover, but mind that you are not rough. Your escort will appreciate it if you don't grab her tits, bite her nipples, attack her clitoris, go at it too hard or fast, squash her or ram your tongue down her throat!

Remember no means no. If you want something that your escort is unwilling to go for, even if you have been led to believe it would be available to you... Back off as soon as she says no! An escort, just like any woman, always has the right to say no at any time and that must be respected.

Always treat escorts with respect. Money buys you some time with an escort... The right attitude buys you a great time with an escort! Be a gentleman. Treat the lady as you would like to be treated. She is a human being, not an object. Never think, because you are paying, you can be rude and nasty. Always be respectful, kind, caring, and sensitive. Escorts care very much how you speak to them and behave around them. Treat the lady like the lady she is and she will respond positively. Being nice costs no more, but it will get you a free upgrade!

Don't overstay your time. You are entitled to the time you have paid for, and most escorts don't mind clients taking a few extra minutes, or having a quick shower after the appointment, but be fair. Some escorts work to a tight schedule which is easily messed up if clients overstay.

Don't get too personal. Don't expect your escort to tell you her life history or innermost secrets. Detailed personal questions are a no-no. Don't ask unless you are looking for a very cool reception! And don't fall in love or try to make your relationship with an escort more than business!

Gifts, tips and saying thanks. Clients are not expected to bring a gift or leave a tip. However a small gift, like chocolates or flowers, can get an encounter off to an extra good start. If you feel the escort has provided a very good service, always remember to say thank you, and leave a small tip only if you want to.