Teen Masturbates After Getting Shot

We’re all been there before. You’ve had a long day at work, it’s raining outside, you’ve been shot and all you want to do is stick your hand down your pants and relax. It’s the basic right of being a guy – to be able to masturbate in any given situation and let the stresses of the world evaporate around you.

Close-up Of A Man Holding Porno Magazine At Home
Close-up Of A Man Holding Magazine At Home

Double-barrelled Stress

And this excellent logic is exactly why a teen in Ohio was found masturbating after he had been shot during a break in. His plans went awry – that was the first catalyst of stress – and then the owners went and made it worse by shooting him with a shotgun. Is there really any guy out there who blames this young soul for feeling the imperative need to masturbate?

Mother Nature, the wicked bitch, made us this way for a reason. She wanted us to be able to escape reality at any given time and delve into the delicious depths of our brains, where our mental ‘wank-bank’ is just waiting to provide us with everything we need to churn one out.

The incident happened in Warren County, Ohio on May 9th. The 17-year-old teen broke into the house at 10PM but was confronted by the house owners, who warned the boy to stay back whilst they called the police. Ignoring her pleas, no doubt already spellbound by some erotic imagery that had inappropriately crept its way into his forethought, he proceeded to stagger towards her. The result? The woman’s husband fired a shotgun at the confused chap (whilst also accidentally hitting his wife in the shoulder and eye).

So naturally, here we have all the ingredients for a pretty erotic situation. It’s the classic beginning of a porno – man stands stiff and erect with a double barrel nestled against his shoulder blade, boy bleeding profusely on the floor and woman screaming in pain, trying to communicate the events to the police whilst also being blinded. It’s arousing stuff, like Fifty Shades of Grey 2.0.

After being shot, the teen ran around bumping into walls. Concerned by the boy’s wild behaviour, as well as the sheer quantity of blood spilling across the house, the owner went to gather some towels to help stop the bleeding. The amorous teen was then found on the porch, having a quick wank whilst waiting for the police to arrive.

‘Highly Sexualised’

Speaking of the incident, Warren Country Prosecutor David Fornshell said, “When police officers arrived on scene, he was still highly sexualized because when the office attempted to rest him, he assaulted the officer in the groin area.”

There was simply no sating this boy’s libido. A lot of people get turned on by some pretty weird things – so maybe that floats his boat is foiled break-ins, danger and being shot in the back. We doubt it’ll form the plot of a porno anytime soon, but who knows.

Girls want to say that they have the same libidos as men? No chance. Even with blood gushing out of a shotgun wound, he found that he had enough left to get it up – and for that we have to take off our hats to this glorious nomad.

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