Men often find me intimidating. After all, my job involves writing about sex and the common (and sometimes uncommon) problems which can arise in the bedroom. I have spent a lot of evenings chatting with friends and colleagues about a variety of topics – but one that often arises (mind the pun) is erectile dysfunction, more commonly known as impotence. My guy friends will rarely talk to me about it. I’m a girl, what would I know?
Playing it cool has always been my go-to approach with impotence; as it is understandably an uncomfortable time for men. For those whose partners are experiencing difficulties I have two pieces of advice. The first is not to ignore it, acknowledge the problem as it needs to be discussed and explored together. Secondly; laugh it off! If you are both comfortable about the situation, your partner is unlikely to worry and struggle the next time you’re both getting hot and heavy in the bedroom.
What Causes Impotence?
The first problem lies in the pre-existing view that only men over the age of 75, or those with a ‘broken’ penis, will suffer from erectile dysfunction. Wrong! 18.4% of men over 20 suffer from impotence. The fact is that most men will face difficulties getting or maintaining an erection at some point in their lives. So what to do when it strikes?
The first thing to do is establish if the cause of the problem is physical or psychological. If you’re going through a period of erectile dysfunction, check to see if you can get an early morning erection or achieve one with masturbation. Australian Sex and Relationship author Tracey Cox writes that men enjoy on average 7 erections a day, about 5 of which occur when asleep. Lucky you! So if you awake to a full morning glory; it is unlikely to be a physical problem. If you are unsure, go to a GP. Simple tests can be done to establish if erections occur overnight.
Physical Causes Are Curable
As mentioned above, impotence is often linked to older men as their physical conditions deteriorate. This is of course true, but physical conditions can also have an effect on men of all ages. Conditions such as diabetes and multiple sclerosis are known to have an effect on getting an erection. In fact, it is estimated that nearly 75% of male diabetes sufferers will experience trouble. Pelvic injuries can cause nerve damage in the area and in some cases can cause blood to leak out of the penis – an erection killer for any male. Certain medications; those taken for high blood pressure or antidepressants have also been linked to impotence. Whatever the cause, there’s a wide range of treatments available such as vacuum pumps, surgical implants, injections and pills. Your doctor will explore all the treatments available and will help you choose the right one for you.
While observing your general health and medications, your doctor will need to examine your lifestyle in order to see what effect it’s all having on your body. Lifestyle choices which contribute to heart disease, kidney disease and vascular problems will also have an effect on your erection. So you need to be honest with your doctor when he asks about your smoking, drinking and drug habits as they are all possible causes of impotence.
Psychological Causes Will Be Temporary
For those who find that they are still having erections while they sleep, or are able to achieve an erection through masturbation – the problem is psychological. Psychological triggers of impotence include exhaustion, high stress levels or a fear of being unable to perform well in bed. These tend to be temporary problems that can be easily resolved over a short period of time.
If there’s an obvious emotional problem, caused by high stress levels, grieving over a loss or relationship fears – talking can often being reassuring. Your partner is soon going to realise something is up, or not as the case may be, so get any fears or worries you may have off your chest. Try to de-stress; plan a holiday or find a way to relax for a few hours a day. If the cause is due to performance anxiety, why not try sex without penetration? Use your hands and tongue to pleasure her instead. Trying something new and pleasuring your partner will boost your confidence. Rather than focusing primarily on intercourse, focus on the self exploration and the journey that you both will share. If the problems persist however, you may need to consult a sex therapist that could help introduce a change in your attitude to sex, build confidence in the bedroom and suggest ways to increase intimacy.
Getting Back to Being You
There is so much that can be done to reduce the risks of impotency and increase sexual health. Here are some tips that will keep you in good sexual form;
1) It’s obvious, but look after your health. Do regular exercise, and get plenty of water and sleep.
2) Ditch the cigarettes – there’s a proven link between smoking and impotence.
3) Cut down on the alcohol – this has also been proven to have negative effects on erections.
4) Watch what you eat and increase energy through a better diet. Consume nutrients which are known to maintain a good sexual health such as zinc, protein, vitamin c and magnesium.
So back to the question; what to do when impotence strikes? Remember that you’re not the only one and you’re not alone. Discuss any issues you have with your partner to prevent distress and negative impact on your relationship. If you believe the problem to be physical, or if it is a consistent experience, consult your doctor for evaluation and treatment. Once the cause is established, impotence is easily treatable and you’ll be back to your old self in no-time, and seeing those Cardiff escorts!
Since then, he has specialised in articles on the battle for equal rights for sex workers, sexual health, as well as bringing the readers fun news from around the world. He also has a major interest in LGBT rights, and is an active campaigner in this field.
When he isn't fighting the good fight, he enjoys spending time with his girlfriend, and young daughter. He also enjoys reading and taking long walks.
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