The world of men is a wonderful place – a perpetual mental state, formed from both biological and sociological factors, that is safe-guarded by years of inward thinking and private humours reserved only for those of the men club. It’s not that we don’t want to share our mental secrets, but simply that those of the better sex are either unwilling to understand our pathological pathways, or they’d damn and curse us all to hell if they knew the boundless depths of our depravity. So here are the four top things that guys wished girls knew (and wouldn’t judge us for):
1) We think about sex. A lot
There’s a popularised myth that men think about sex every six seconds. Things like stereotypes exist for a reason – it’s true. In one capacity or another, sex will enter our minds on a very, very frequent basis. This may not always be about the girl we’re with, either. Don’t blame us for our nature; we will sexualise everything if it can be sexualised.
Every guy will remember a time he was forced to furtively tuck away an erection at school. And really, if our minds can find something sexual about the stuffy atmosphere of a maths classroom, then we can do it anywhere.
2) All within-age women are sexual objects
When you think your friend is sexy and we don’t, you should trust our opinion. We’re very analytically minded when it comes to reading a woman’s positives and negatives. Everything will be rated, immediately. We’ll know what is good and what is bad, and we’re not blinded by the idea that she has a ‘nice’ personality or not. There’s a reason guys are able to turn each other and ask ‘Would you?’ immediately after seeing a woman on the street.
It takes us that amount of time to know whether she’s sexually viable. And we know you think this is cruel – but it’s in our nature.
3) We hate it when you try to read our thoughts
You’re not telepaths and neither are we. If we give you an answer to a question, most of the time it’ll be a perfectly honest answer (largely because we haven’t thought about it before we say it, so we wouldn’t know if it’s about to offend you or not). If we say you look nice, it means that we think you look nice. We’re rarely secretly thinking anything, and when you talk about ‘that look’ on our faces, we have completely no idea what you’re referring to.
Equally, don’t expect us to know something you’re thinking. It isn’t ‘obvious’ and never will be.
4) It’s stupid to ask questions you don’t want the answer to
Questions like ‘Do I look fat?’ are absolute minefields. If the answer is anything other than an immediate ‘No, never, not at all, ever, ever’ we’re likely to face some serious fallout. We hate being put in a situation where honesty would condemn us an eternity of emotional torment. And even if we say what you want to hear, you’ll accuse us of hesitating because we were foolish enough to think a moment or two before answering. Simply put: if you’ve asked the question, you probably already know the answer. Don’t make us complicit in your self-doubt by pretending we’re the source of it.