When it comes to BDSM, many people want to try it out, but don’t for fear of getting it wrong. They aren’t sure how to talk about it, where to start, or what is expected of them. Here on the Escort Wales blog, we explored and have put together our first time submission guide, and tell you what it is you need to know.
Take the time to think
Before you even want to start talking about BDSM, you should first sit down and think about what it is you really want. If you are hoping to submit to your master or your mistress, what is it that you hope to do during that time?
For some, they enjoy the idea of pain. Being spanked or even kicked in a bit of ball busting is a huge turn on for them, and so they know that they want to explore their pain threshold with their partner.
However, pain isn’t for everyone. What many don’t understand is that domination and submission does not mean pain. In fact, you can have a fun and healthy BDSM sex life without being whipped every time you jump into bed.
For many, the appeal of submission is that they give up all control. They don’t have to worry about making decisions, as their mistress or master will make them for them. They will tell them exactly what to do, whether it is to kiss their boots or lick their tight asshole and make them come.
Take the time to think about what it is you really want. Are you interested in pain, or is it just the lack of control you want? When you know, you can then explain it better to your partner.
Talking about it
Bringing up domination and submission desires with your partner can be difficult, especially if you tend to lead a very vanilla and predictable sex life together. You don’t want to mention it in case they shoot you down before you have the chance to explain what it is you want to try.
First, you should try to gauge how they feel about it. This can alter how the conversation will go. When I first brought up the idea of submission with my last boyfriend, he seemed disgusted by the idea. As a result, I had to slowly introduce it to make him see that it isn’t all whips and chains.
You can find out how they feel in a number of ways. If you have a very open relationship, you can just talk to them about it. However, if you don’t it might help to talk about relevant topics. As the Fifty Shades series is still a hot topic on everyone’s lips at the moment, that might be the perfect way to start the conversation.
When you do get around to talking about it, choose the right time. Don’t do it before you go to sleep at night, as their mind might be on other things, like work the next day, and they may not be in the right frame of mind to talk about sex if they are about to drift off.
The best time of day to talk about sex is actually when you have just had sex. They are usually still so turned on that they are open to suggestions. You can start by saying that it really turned you on when they took control, and that will make them more likely to do it again in the future.
Be a bit brave
When it comes to actually trying it out, it can make you really nervous. You aren’t sure what to expect from your partner, especially if this is the first time they have tried it. So take your time with it but try not to chicken out of trying it if it is what you really want.
Before you get things going, set a safe word. This can be used by both you and your partner if you need a break in the action. Using the word doesn’t make you weak. In fact, sometimes it takes a lot of guts to be able to say “stop” and talk about what isn’t working for you. You can, of course, carry on with the action after a break. The safe word doesn’t mean you have to completely stop. Instead, it gives you the chance to talk about what is going on and what is and isn’t working for you both.
By having a safe word, you actually get to be a bit braver. You can be confident that trying new things is okay, as if it doesn’t work out you can use the word to stop the action.
Remember the roles you are playing. For a sub, that means to please, while a dom might be expected to take charge. However, your master or mistress is also there to protect. If they think you need a break, they will give you that chance. Trust each other to make the most of the moment.
Are you the dominant person in the bedroom, or do you like giving in to your partner’s every command? Let us know in the comment box below, or by checking out what others are saying on the Escort Wales forum.
Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.
In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.