It turns out that sperm from a bull is really valuable, and it seems that £50,000 worth of bull sperm has been stolen in America. I think there is only one question on our minds, right? WHY?!
How to milk a bull
While there are many different ways you can get that “hot milk” from a bull, it seems the preferred method for those who do this for a job is possibly one of the most horrifying things to have to do.
Firstly, the bull must be restrained in some way. Usually, this is done by making stocks to fit the bull in and keep them still. Then, you have to put your arm up its ass to find the seminal gland. The location of the seminal gland means that you will have your arm in its ass at least up to your elbow. A pretty horrid thought.
If that wasn’t bad enough, you then have to insert an “electronically controlled anal probe” in there and make it pulse to get the bull to produce the semen into a container for safe keeping.
Why are we telling you this? Honestly, I’d rather not, but someone has had to do this to create enough bull semen for their work, only for it to be stolen. If you had to jam your hand up a bull’s ass each day only for the produce to be stolen, you’d be pretty upset too.
It might not sound like much, but the thieves are thought to have stolen a total of four pints of bull semen. Four pints might not sound like much, but the 90 something vials are thought to be worth around £50,000.
£50,000 for four pints is a hell of a lot of money for all of that work… so of course someone is going to come along and ruin it. The fact that some thieves have got together and decided that the best thing they can do is go to a farm and steal some bull jizz is worrying. How did that conversation even start?
“Hey guys, I’ve got an idea. Apparently, bull semen is worth a lot of money. Let’s go steal some!”
If someone tried having that conversation with me, I’d turn them down, walk away, and go do something that involved less bulls and thievery.
The bull semen was taken from a farm in southern Minnestoa, in the town of LeRoy. Police are under the impression that this horrendous crime occurred between the 1st April and the 7th April, but the owner has other ideas. He thinks that the only possible time it could have happened was between 11AM and 3.30pm on Easter Sunday, when both he and the farm hand were away from the site.
Imagine having your Easter Sunday ruined in that way. You’ve gone off to enjoy a delicious roast of some kind, only to come back and find that all of the bull jizz you’d been saving to sell on a rainy day has been nicked.
It must be very frustrating for the farmer and farm hand, but unfortunately they could have done so much more to protect this precious produce. For a start, it was kept in an unlocked barn and milking parlour, and there was no security of any kind to stop the thieves from taking it.
It is a truly unbelievable crime, and yet it is just another animal crime that has happened. They seem to be going on far too often, with people filming themselves having sex with their dogs or stumbling into a barn after a night out to shag a sheep.
It is all getting a bit ridiculous now. Is there something in the water that is making people go after animals in this way, or is it just that we are hearing about it more than we did previously?
In a way, we should be grateful that the semen was already there for the thieves to take… could you imagine what might have happened if they had tried to “milk” the bull themselves? Serious injuries may have occurred… or worse!
Have you heard something even stranger? You can share it with us in the comment box below, or by heading to the Escort Wales forum and seeing what others are saying over there. For now, I just hope that the work of the farmer and farm hand hasn’t all been for nothing.
Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.
In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.